Lack of

This week has been light on the posts for the only really valid reason I can think of: there hasn't been anything happening that I feel is post worthy. Indeed, starlets, I tried a few times to crank out some bulldoodie but I decided in the end it was better to just not post at all than making a few mediocre ones.

The only thing I have to show is that today in a studio class I had I got to work on some of those hive drawings. They are pretty cool.

Now. I somehow let an 8-10 page paper slip through my fingers this week and it's due tomorrow. That and a sound piece about this article I found (also related to hives. I wasn't kidding when I said I have become obsessed...) so that means I must stop screwing around and start cracking. Wish me luck, lovelies.

A very good good friday.

Today is good Friday and I found my self in Pilsen with a few thousand Mexicans. We were all marching down the street with a few hundred Romans. With us was Jesus Christ himself, carrying a gigantic cross. Whenever he stopped to catch a breath, a few broom heads would nail him on the back with a gigantic whip. It was pretty surreal.

Here is Jesus passing a local McDonald's. I can only imagine everyone inside looking in awe, mouth open as McFlurries ooze onto their laps.

You know what's weird? Part of me wants to say "I thought I'd never see the day" but deep down inside, it seems pretty normal. 

There was some dude there who was trying to steal Jesus' thunder. He too was carrying a humongous, home made cross. What an attention-schlob!

After we made rounds past the local fast food joints I started to wonder "are these people really going to go all the way?" 

My question was answered when the march ended in the middle of a local baseball field. There was a small hill. A few minutes of awkwardness went by as the crowd sat knowing what was about to happen but didn't feel comfortable telling the savior.

I wish that I had a real camera or that my cellphone was also a Hasselblad because this picture really doesn't do the scene justice. One of the martyrs was covered in gang tattoos. Honestly. An image I will never, ever forget.

They day sort of ended on a bummer as Jesus was carried away in a makeshift coffin.

Also, the people I was with didn't want to go back to the Loop to get lunch. That means I had to eat Mexican food. You know what means?

It means after writing this post I'm going to go back to where I was before I started writing this post. The bathroom.

Wow. What a sham.

If you are reading this there is a 60% chance that to you, it's old news. Here's the thing: it's not to me, baby. Therefore I will write about it as if I just discovered it and there hasn't already been millions of blog posts about the subject.

Everyone knows "Sham-Wow" and as a made for TV/infomercial junkie, I have always been fascinated with the front man for the super absorbent rag. Whenever I see him, the same parts of my brain go off that go off when a deprived, drug addicted lunatic approaches me on Delancey street trying to scam me out of a couple of bucks so he can get his fix. Seriously folks, the guy has the swagger, talk and persuasion of a meth-head on his last hoorah.

That's why when I heard what happened to him (his names Vince Offer, by the way) I wasn't shocked at all. Just really excited. I was right about something.

Turns out Vince was staying in a nice hotel and picked himself up an expensive hooker. After offering her one thousand dollars for sex (paid for by clumsy, juice spilling mothers across the country) she lured him into his room and then bit his tongue off. 

That's right. She "bit and wouldn't let go" What's he do? He punches her. A lot. 

Obviously since privacy doesn't exist in this world anymore (and thank god for that!) his mugshot and crime scene photos have been posted all over the Internet. Here's one, stolen by yours truly:

There are many more here. I was going to post them but I feel it's in bad taste to publish photos of bloodied women (be them tongue gnawing hookers or not).

This just makes me wonder. What sort of country do we live in when our heroes wind up handcuffed to hospital beds for unforgivable crimes? Fact is, five years ago before my con-artist spidey sense was developed, I would have loved this guy. Just like I loved Billy Mays, Ronco (chicken rotisserie God) and Chef Tony. I mean, what's next people?

EDITOR'S NOTE:

If you don't know who that is you don't watch enough TV

New frontier

Remember that last post with the chia sink where I said I would never mention Chia again? I eat my words. For good reason, though.

A writer for a blog entirely dedicated to the bizarre and interesting world of the Chia plant read the post and liked it enough to feature it on her blog. You should check it out:

BOOYAH

Next stop, Gizmodo.

More about dreams

Lately a lot of my work has been working with those documentations I have been logging of my dreams. I do every night (though must admit the last few nights I have been slipping up) and there is so much information that I'm sort of at a standstill as to what to do with it. 

In the comments, Ludwig Persik threw up the idea of making a book. In this day and age with the Internet and resources from my school, I could easily make a nice, hardcover, fancy little thing of a book and it could be pretty cool. 

I don't really know what format to put it in though. That is what I have this coming week to think up. I do know, however, what the cover and format will be. I made it last night.

I can see it now. Black pages. White text. Centered writing...maybe packaged with a CD. Who the hell knows.

Awkward moment in facebook history

Buzzkill....

April fools!

It's pretty typical that website post a fake news story or blog post on April fools. I was thinking about going down that road but everything I could come up with seemed too mean spirited and cold. Things like "I think I'm dying" and "I'm dropping out of College" all seemed a tad melodramatic so instead I decide to simply celebrate the holiday and give you all a safehaven for the next 24 hours. 

If your getting pranked too hard, come here and refresh. 

Happy April Fools, fool.