Craziest dream ever

OK folks I'm going to try and keep this short: I just had the craziest dream of my life. 

I was with Carlos and Ludwig up in Harlem. Ludwig was with this foxy girl who was going to buy us beer and we were walking around with her. At one point we went into the store and decided to walk all the way to the back as not to rise suspicions. 

What  seemed like 30 minutes later we were all exhausted and reached the end of the store. 

"Damn, this store is really big" Carlos said.

At this stage, chocolate syrup started oozing out of my mouth a little bit. I was wearing a white sweater and didn't want to mess it up so I just kept swallowing. 

We walked out of the store and saw a group of hoodlums had smashed like 200 car windows and gathered all the bits of glass making a gigantic, glistening pile stopping traffic. Walking down the street I kept drooling chocolate. These kids came up behind us and we all stopped like badasses and stared them down and they walked away.

Then, one of them came back with a big stick and smashed Ludwig in the back of the leg with it. He started to run and I ran after him screaming "STOP IT ASSHOLE" and next thing I know a big fat woman is holding her son, crying and screaming "DO NO NOT CALL MY SON AN ASSHOLE"

Since apparently I'm awesome in my dreams I just walked towards her and said "FUCK YOU" and she and her son sort of disappeared. Poof. Into thin air.

People, this is where it gets crazy. Especially if your name is Ludwig Persik:

In the dream, I realized I was dreaming. For me, that's very rare. Then I realized that I was LUDWIG PERSIK dreaming. My voice turned into Ludwig's and I had a fucking monologue in the middle of the street. Something like:

"Ah, the fragility of dreams.

How one can wipe chocolate saliva off his lip

but instead accidentally smudge the

words he was about to speak 

all over his hands..."

Next thing I know I'm choking on that chocolate syrup and am forced to wake up. I had drooled EVERYWHERE and slept for like three hours. I realized I was just Ludwig and flipped out.

Yeesh.

Zombay!

Today in class I made another person I dreamt about into a drawing. This one was a Zombie. He was hanging onto the side of my raft and trying to capsize it. He probably wanted to kill me and then eat my brains:

Meh. I guess they can't all be masterpieces.

Over the hill

You know how old people do stupid things and then say other stupid things like "Oh, I'm getting old" or "Don't get old!" or "I'm miserable"?

The other day, for the first time, I pulled one of those and I accidently pulled it again today.

Turns out my birthday is this Sunday. Usually, I always remember my birthday. I keep it in the back of my mind and when it's a month away I start biting my nails, excited for the shower of presents and Facebook comments that I will soon receive. 

This year however, as my mind slips into the oblivion of dementia, I seemed to have forgotten.

The other day talking to Carlos he asked "Is your birthday coming up?" and I said, promptly, "I don't think so"

Today in class the same question was asked and I said "I think it's in a couple of weeks".

Well, It's in a couple of days.

Dear Starlets, if this gets worst please just pull the plug.

Also: IN ONE MORE POST WE WILL NEVER HAVE TO HEAR "LIVE LONG IN PROSPER" AGAIN! THE TIME HAS COME!

Breaking Bad

Watching TV on DVD's is a zillion times better than the regular way. It usually has a better picture and sounds nicer, there are no commercials, you can watch it whenever you want and as many in a row as you want and it brings the social element into play. Back in the day, I used to wait to talk to my friends about shows because we weren't with each other whenever it was on TV. Now, with DVDs you can have massive festivals where you watch a series over a period of time (or all at once) with your buddy right there.

That being said, yesterday I was in Borders looking for a Blue-Ray (I need a monthly fix) and couldn't find one in a reasonable price-range with enough explosions. Instead I saw "Breaking Bad" season 1 on sale. I decided to take a gamble. I wish my luck buying lotto tickets was as good as my luck buying TV Shows on DVD. I'd have a thousand dollars by now (which would go towards 500 lotto tickets, which would give me millions. Scratch that. Billions).

First thing I noticed when I popped the DVD in my laptop was something incredible. I mean, something really, really remarkable. Something I think that all of the TV DVDs should have, but never do. Something that has ground my fucking gears for so long has finally been fixed. I know this bothers you too, starlet, so prepare to have your mind blown. Exhibit A:

Yes. Look closely, people. Before watching a bunch of episodes you are asked if you want to watch it with recaps. Therefore, indirectly, that means you can watch as many episodes as you want without sitting through five minute recaps of something you just fucking watched.

This has always been one of my pet peeves. The most guilty offender of this horrible crime against home entertainment is "Rescue Me". The re-caps are incredibly long, incredibly thorough and stretch five episodes back. Sometimes, if it's really bad, hitting "skip" on the remote won't even take you to the beginning of the episode but a few minutes in. That is the worst. I hope every Television show released on DVD takes this amazing, courageous step made by the people behind "Breaking Bad" as an example of how to make every one's lives easier.

My mind was already blown before even watching the show. Before I continue on let me say I'm only five episodes in so I can't vouch for the entire thing. However, from what I have seen so far there is only one conclusion I can make:

I'm serious folks. The writing is pretty solid. The acting (at least by the two main characters) is prime shit. It's shot beautifully and the soundtrack is even better. It's gut wrenchingly dark and the actor who's name I should know but still call "Malcom's Dad" goes above and beyond what is usually asked of actors on contemprary television. Really folks, I'm giving this such a huge endorsement.

I try not to write about shit like this but I'm legitimately excited about this one. I can't wait to bring her back to New York and watch it all over again with Carlito.

Girl sneezes 60 times a minute?

I made this video yesterday to post here as a funny little nothing. Well, it's been up for less than 24 hours and already has 186 views. What the fuck Youtube? Really?

It's at 321 views now. Thats about a hundred views a day. This is really blowing my mind.

Traffic Jam

There are a few posts on this blog that readers always seem to remember and bring up. The first and most obvious was "Things I Always Wanted..." which was written a very, very long time ago (back in 2007!). It comes up in conversation between friends frequently and is responsible for a huge amount of traffic on this blog. Not because people want to read it but because it has the text "Sock-Em-Bopper Jingle" written in it. Every time someone googles that (which according to Site Meter happens a lot in Canada) they go to my blog. Do they read the post? Of course not.

Another entry that comes up a lot was when I wrote about the amount of readers drastically decreasing. It was called Negative Slope and had a diagram of the views per month sliding into nothingness. That post gets mentioned a lot and it should because even now, looking back at it, I think it's really fucking funny.

Why am I bringing these up? Obviously because I'm a self indulgent asshole. But more importantly because I have a sort of sequel or update-ish post to write in regards to the latter. 

The other day I was on Site Meter and I realized that the month of March hit an almost all time high number of visits. It seems I have gotten what I wanted and am back on the bandwagon. I thank you wonderful readers and pat myself on the back (which I usually do frequently after completing the most mundane tasks anyway). 

In honor the the Pan-Flute/Ski-Slope, I make a new diagram.

It's not a ghetto Pan-flute anymore, starlets. Oh, no. It's now a mighty and majestic Orchestral Flute that only the most renowned Flautists have the courage to toot.

In other news, I'm growing more and more sick of the "Live Long and Prosper"  message that keeps coming up when the page is loaded. I counted and only have 4 more posts till' it's bumped into oblivion but don't know if I can go that long. You?

Best saturday ever

Today is one of the better Saturday's I have had out here in Chicago. I woke up early and walked down to the Field Museum with a good buddy of mine. It was very warm and sunny which is somewhat surreal since I have been spending the last few months checking for frostbite after commutes home. 

The day got better when I decided to do what should have been done a long time ago. I went to Walgreen's and got myself a Snuggie. It even came with that shitty little book light (which, strangely enough, I already have). 

I also bought two pints of Ice-Cream because they were on sale and insanely cheap. The minute I stepped into the building it started raining. Really, really hard. this is wonderful because I love the sound and smell of a rainstorm from the inside. 

I don't have to tell you what I have been doing all day, starlets. 

Also, I'm going to be back in New York City where I belong very, very soon. Can't wait to be home. Can. Not. Wait.