Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Deaded by a bedbug

Today was the first day of my new semester. It feels so good to know that in half of a school year I will be able to put this terrible experience behind me and go to college where I can yearn to put other terrible experiences behind me. Until then I anxiously squirm in my chair day dreaming about life after high school. Things seemed to be going well, until...well...fucking bedbugs.

You see, last night I got home from a family trip to Boston (which was fun. It's an attractive looking town. At least the parts I saw) and started to get ready for the next day which would bring me a new semester. Everyone was in a great mood and I retired to my bed when I heard my mother and father yelling that my report card had come. 

My starlets, I'm sure you can guess what happened but it was pretty terrible. I got yelled at, I yelled and the overall conclusion was that I am a deadbeat because I refuse to do more homework than I have to. I guess this makes me a loser. Even if my GPA went up 30 points since last year it didn't go up that 40 points everyone was hoping for. Aparantly that means I'm a jerk off. Still, I'm learning as I grow older that I don't actually have to say "fuck that!" out loud. I can just say it in my head and nod when I'm told that I'm lazy bum. Seems to work out better for everyone.

After getting reamed by my mother and father I retreated and went back into my safety zone with a sore throat. I went to sleep and started to watch a Zappa flick when I looked at my blanket and saw a disgusting little bug. I picked it up and thinking it was a tick woke up my folks. They said "Kevin, I believe that is a bed bug". 

Next thing I know, my folks are ransacking my bed. Saying "We need to find them!" which was all well and fine, I wanted to find them too, but at what cost?

I watched in horror as everything I had ever tried to hide from my parents was thrown out into the open: cigarettes, love notes, little liquor bottles, huge beer bottles (one of which was still half full and even worst: it was a "St. Ides" which is equivalent to homeless man sweat*) failed tests and even photos I took of a sex shop window but felt dirty putting in my albums and felt guilty tossing out.

*see below:

Basically, theses fucking bedbugs blew my cover and on the same night I got deaded for shitty grades. We did some more searching and came to the conclusion that they weren't actually bed bugs. Instead, it was just some asshole bug who decided to land on my blanket and fuck my shit up. I'm glad to say that that bug is dead. If there is a heaven for bugs, he is most definitely not there.

It seems stuff like this keeps happening to me. Whenever it does, I just close my eyes and say to myself: halfway there, my dear. Halfway there...


MaTaCo dot com said...

kevin patrick gannon. reading these teen angst (ha, remember that fictional film?) fills me with sorrow. you're going to love the thirties. unless we're under 25 feet of water and struggling to survive the post-global warming mad max-a-thon. otherwise, you're gonna love not being a teenager.
stay strong.

daniel said...

that's pretty terrrible, my friend. pretty terrible.

jena said...

i too have had a bad experience with bed bugs. i didnt have them, but my roommate did. so the head of the residence building came in and removed all of our shit from our rooms and put them in big garbage bags which were kept in our living room. and as a result, i slept on our kitchen floor, mere inches away from the sighting locations of mice and cockroaches. as a result from the garbage bag incident, it became very difficult to live out of garbage bags for 2 and half to three days. especially when they say that i have to launder every bit of fabric that was ever in that room before i can bring it back in, and guess who wasnt going to pay for it? they werent. and neither did i. end of my story.

good day.

Bruno C. said...

Chi-Town will treat you well my friend. Savor the last dregs of Highschool, for bigger and better things await.

Elizabeth said...

wow. that suckss balls