Monday, July 27, 2009


I'm pissed off. When I was living in Chicago the loop was filled to the motherfucking brim with Greenpeace streetwalkers pestering me for money. There were always two in front of my dorm (one for each direction of foot traffic) and two in front of my classes. That means, every day, I would have to deal with some schmuck and his clipboard four times.  

What grinds my gears about these people is that they usually don't even really give a shit about the environment. They are kids who (just like me) need money to buy shit. They get jobs, plaster on a smile and look into the mirror every night practicing giving a shit. To them, I'm a quota. Not a CFC spewing threat to humanity. 

What upsets me even more about them is how bad they are at their jobs. Often they are rude and confrontational. They must be on a different time system than the rest of humanity because they alway say "it will only take a minute" but hold you there for 15. More importantly, the only way to please them is to give them some cash or a credit card number so they can take it from you every month. Nearly every conversation I have had with one of these assholes goes as follows:

Me: Hey, sorry, I don't have any money.
Greenpeace: Oh, that's totally fine, would you mind listening 
to what you can do instead?
Me: Sure.

15 Minutes later:

Greenpeace: So, do you have any money yet?
Me: No.
Greenpeace: Peace.

When I came to New York I thought I had left it all behind. That is until today. I was walking across 14th street and I realized these morons had infested the last stretch of sacred land I have left. They have set up shop on the most walked down block in my routine (again). 

One poor girl made the mistake of walking up to me and starting her shpeal. I was super rude and a major dick. I feel bad about that because I'm usually never a super dick to anyone in life. I just couldn't help myself. You know what gave me a little piece of mind: she was even more of a dick.


LudwigLongPlay said...

amazing, i never run into them, theyve got it out for you

LudwigLongPlay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LudwigLongPlay said...

dont get too excited, i accidentally posted twice. muah!

Ezra Salzman-Gubbay said...

Good use of color.