Oh mighty and majestic spirit...

...guide me:

It's been a long time since we have thought about this project. Well, no, we have been thinking about it every single day. In a bad way. In a "Shit...we have to shoot this movie. We SUCK!" kind of way. 

Well, we snapped back into game mode yesterday and got the ball rolling. Note carded the entire film, I cut this together and now we will finish shooting next week. Tuesday. How dope is that?

Very.

Just as a fresh reminder, everyone can watch our films from the past over at Broke Toe Productions just in case you really can't wait for this new one to smack your soul around.

Night of the Living Donkey Doo-Doo. In 3D.

If you don't know this about me, you don't really know me: I am a huge George A. Romero fan. Zombie films have always tickled me nicely but in particular, Romero's are the best. They are of a caliber most other films, let alone horror films can't even dream of. They are heavy with potent social commentaries, visually beautiful and humorous all while scaring the shit out of you.

Needless to say, whenever I see something by the great man I buy it. That would explain why I have four different editions of "Dawn of the Dead" on DVD. I had to stop when I realized I was buying the same disc for a different DVD case. It sometimes gets out of hand.

One of the things I saw and foolishly purchased was a recently released film with a gimmick: "Night of the Living Dead: 3D". Let me first explain something that non-obsessed Zombie fans might not know. This film has absolutely nothing to do with George Romero himself. You see, through a strange (and awful) chain of disorganization and naivety, when the young Romero finished his first film (Night of the Living Dead) he never got appropriate copyrights licensed for it. Really, it was his lawyers fault. See, originally it was called "Night of the Flesh Eaters" but at the last minute they found out another film had already taken that title. In a haste, they called it "Night of the Living Dead" but somewhere along the line, their entertainment lawyer (probably a family friend working for free) forgot to copyright the new title. Because of this, NOTLD is completely 100% royalty free. It sits in the public domain for anyone to sell or fuck with. This means Romero himself doesn't make that much money off of the film while many big assholes remake it for little cost and take home some cash.

One of these godawful remakes was the film just mentioned. "Night of the Living Dead: 3D" starred Sig Haig who claimed fame from the Rob Zombie films. I figured "Hey, it's in 3D how bad could it be?" well, let me clear things up. It's bad. It fucking sucks.

Carlos and I watched this together on a dark rainy night a few days ago. We had our 3D glasses on and we were pumped. Once it started we realized we were watching a train wreck. I am going to tell you, in three reasons, why this might be the worst Zombie film ever made. That title, by the way, is a very, very difficult one to take.

1) The 3D is, literally, a form of torture.

Watching this movie in 3D sucks. The glasses don't fit on your head right, the lenses are small so you can see half of the room while you are trying to focus on a TV and they just flat out don't work. You might as well poke yourself in the eyes, cross them and then sit three inches away form the screen because that is exactly what it feels like you are doing. After about 20 minutes, Carlos and I had horrible headaches. We figured enduring the pain was not worth having a foreground that seemed to be three inches away from the background. We watched it without the glasses which also, really fucking hurt.

2) The Character "Ben" is a gringo.

If you haven't seen the original NOTLD don't even bother reading this point. To those of you who have, you read it right. Ben is not black. One of the most crucial and powerful elements of the film is that of ethnicity and race. How, even when rotting corpses are gnawing at us we still can't seem to think of humans as one, similar group. I understand that the times have changed but come on. Now that I think about it, there wasn't a single black person in the entire movie. Looks like the directors are not only shitty at their jobs, but they are also racists. See? This movie fucking sucks.

3) There is absolutely 0 eye for detail.

I wasn't expecting to see a film with jaw dropping art direction or continuity, but this thing was a disaster. Things just didn't make any sense. For example, Sid Haig goes through the entire movie with a shovel. He runs around beating zombies with it for like, the entire movie. On the DVD cover he's holding a fucking pitchfork. This isn't just me being a neurotic asshole it gets worst. The zombies mad no effort to do anything. There were huge panes of glass windows and not once did a bloodthirsty monster try to break it. In fact, the zombies would just look at the closed door and walk away like "Oh. We should let them be and loiter outside of their house for a fucking eternity". Jesus. What a doo-fest.

Looking back at this post, I realize it is incredibly long and I'm pretty certain you don't give a rats ass. I'm sorry. I just really, really needed to vent. This movie is so bad that I actually highly recommend you see it. Why? Because I can't do it's mediocrity justice in a blogpost. Please, for the love of god don't just take my word for it but rent it or something. When you are done be my guest to destroy it anyway possible. Be creative. I know I will.

Back on top. No innuendo...

As you know, back when I was in my prime this site got quite a few hits. What happened? Well, things changed, I got lazy, people grew up and the traffic gods became a little bit less generous, leaving me in the dust. What really did it for me was not just getting close to no views a day, but being bumped to the 6th page of a google search. Ah yes, once, a long time ago, "Kevin Gannon" would bring you right here, to a Journey. Ah. Memories. We will always have memories.

Wait. 

Holy shit.

I'm back on top. Thanks google. Thank you.

You have got to be kidding me...

Dallas county Commissioner John Wiley Price was outraged when a fellow commissioner used the term "Black Hole" to describe how the council had been spending money or something of the sort. Price was really, really upset. He was deeply insulted claiming that the term black hole is racist. In fact, another commissioner chimed in also claiming to have taken insult and demanded an apology. The video can be watched here.

My response to this?

First my jaw dropped. Then, after blushing in embarrassment for the human race I couldn't help but mutter "You got to be fucking kidding me..." 

I pray, I really do, that there are no readers right now who actually see any legitimacy in that councilman's argument. If so, I think you are an asshole. If you think that makes me a racist, you are even more of an asshole. A black hole is a scientific phenomenon and it has nothing to do with race. It's a very, very dark hole. It's black. It sucks things up, even light, thus, appearing BLACK. Not white, not grey, not magenta or green. Black. 

It's sad that this is what the world is coming to. I mean, I should relax a little bit because I'm sure no one actually takes this moron seriously, but the idea that someone who holds political power of any kind can be so delusional scares me. To have have such tunnel vision, to find ugliness in a statement as innocent as this, that just seems like something that would dictate how one does his/her job. Every time someone brings up stupid shit like this it mocks everyone else who has ever actually been a victim of racism. Of any sort. I think it's deplorable, I think it's pathetic, I think it's damaging to social harmony across the board and I think it makes you a big fat asswipe.

After doing a Google search on this John Wiley Price character I came across his website and it all sunk in. I mean, look at this. He wants so bad to be a celebrity but accidentally got into politics. I considered deleting this post because it's just giving him what he wants but I just can't help it. What a dick. 

Since I can smell a fellow megalomaniac from a mile away and I am 100% certain this cat does a Google search on his name every week, I, Kevin Gannon, personally call him out in hopes he reads this:

Mr. Price, you are a silly little blockhead. If you wish to rebuttal do so in the comments section. I wouldn't mind the traffic, just like you.

Idiot.

P.S

It's funny. I googled "Black Holes" as well and they sort of look like what Mr. Price is. An asshole.

Meet Marlowe.

One of my most irritating flaws is how I will start something and go completely apeshit over it only to come up with a new idea, which I also go completely apeshit over. The result is my forgetting of the former idea and a lot of monkey doo. One of these ideas was a web-based comic called Marlowe. It focused on a character who had 0 tiers of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs fulfilled, yet was still 100% self actualized.

Marlowe himself was going to be hand drawn whereas the background would be photographed (cause I can't draw things like buildings and doors for shit). Each week we would learn something from Marlowe on a certain topic based on a little encounter he would have. From sex to money, patriotism to exercise, he would teach us little bits of knowledge from a very new perspective. I actually designed him and did write a few issues. Once it came time to make the story a comic, I must have fizzled. I thought, rather than let Marlowe sit and gather dust in computer folders I should bring him out for the light of day to see. It's the least he deserves. Ladies and Gents, meet Marlowe:

Maybe I will take him to Chicago with me and work on him there. 

Two things I'm already sick of.

There are two things that I am already incredibly fucking tired of hearing about and seeing. Originally, I was excited for both. I still support them but after so many advertisements and articles being forced into my face I am officially 100% done with  the 3G iPhone and Batman: The Dark Knight. You are saying to yourself right now "What?! I love/can't wait for ____" and I'm fully aware of that.

1) I think the iPhone is slow and a pain in the ass to use. Worst is people who own it try to brainwash me into the "fellate Steve Jobs" cult. I have a news flash everyone: We should not feel attached to our PHONES, ever. Ever. EVER. One shouldn't feel insulted or upset when someone insults a phone, even if they own it. Why? Because it's a machine we keep in our pockets. It's like having affection for pennies or lint. I mean, I love Apple, we all know that, but I'm tired of the fucking iPhone. I get it. I don't have a mediocre computer snuggled into my palm. You are better than me. Fuck. Am I jealous? Sure. Still, though, get the hell away from me.

2) I like Batman. He's the best superhero, period. He's a detective. I loved Batman Begins. I dig Christopher Nolan's stuff. I am excited for this movie. It should be awesome. This seems to be the same for everyone, too, which is good because they don't have to advertise too much. Oh, wait, no they still do. More than any movie I have ever fucking heard of. Everywhere I look Batman is looming over me. Subway walls, televisions, bus-stops, highways. I even hear his voice on my radio as an Internet ad literally takes up my entire screen on IMDB and I have to wait fifteen minutes to close it. Jesus Christ, man. Everyone loves Batman. It's going to be a good movie. We get it. I have had enough. Leave me alone. 

That's it.

Satanic offspring and Hellboy.

As an unemployed teenager who (with the exception of Carlos Galarza) is the only one of his friends that doesn't have to work 9-5,  I have a lot of time on my hands. I usually spend it with Carlos playing video games or walking around aimlessly but when I'm alone I have been watching movies, reading books and staring at my ceiling.

I saw two films recently that I thought were so well crafted I should tell you about them. The first is a classic that apparently everyone but me knows about. It's called The Blackboard Jungle. It's about the worst fucking school you can possibly imagine filled with horrible, flesh-hungry kids. One tries to rape his teacher, dudes are getting shanked all the time and apparently it's totally O.K to light up a butt in the middle of class. This is all the case until a G (gangsta) comes in and literally, kicks the hell out of all the little shits. I recommend it highly. 

See it, chief.

Second film is much more commercial and easier to access. Some don't give it a chance because of this (in fact a very condescending homeless man named Rick who I spoke to before seeing the film told me I was an idiot for liking it, but that's a whole other post in itself). It's Hellboy II. Go see it and after Hellboy is thrown out of a fucking window in slow-mo call me so we can talk about how awesome it was. 

Until tomorrow my starlets, 

Peace.

Oh, yeah.

Listen to my radio show.

Negative slope

I was never a math genius back in high school but I do remember the magic of slope. Remember change in Y over change in X or something along those lines? I was so well versed in this topic that when I looked at the bar chart representation of this blog's traffic, I almost instantly recognized the constant, negative slope. See:

That is an official scientific chart depicting the lack of interest since November. Who's fault is this? Mine. I never update. My real question, however, is what the fuck was up with December?I can't wait until next Christmas. 2,000 hits? Damn. Belated thanks.

Point is, I thought I could teach a lesson to you dear readers who still check this. Looking at this chart I said to myself "Well...it's not that bad" and let my imagination wander. Optimism is the word, starlets, and I thought photoshop would help me express how so:

Sure, you can look at it as a shitty graph proving how miserable your godforsaken life is or you can look at it as an awesome ski slope:

Or, you can look at it as a pan flute:

However you see it I see it as a representation of something that once was. Now that I'm unemployed and un-stimulated I think I will try to get back up on that horse. Like the good ol' days. Like December.

Until then, I shall sit in my air conditioning doing nothing until college starts or my limbs atrophy. Whichever comes first.

HELLO!

New episode of the KEVIN GANNON RADIO SHOW.

Coming at you live from a salon in the Lower East side with Ludwig Long Play Persik spinning records like there is no tomorrow. As always, the show can be found directly to the right of this post. Top one.

Be cool,

sit back,

and do it like you always do it. Kevin Gannon Radio Show. Take it away.