Sunday, November 25, 2007


It's funny. A few years ago I often found myself tensing up and feeling short of breath when in shitty situations. I felt like doom was inexorable and thought that the wind's breeze was the proverbial breath of death gently tickling my nape. Some call them "Panic Attacks", I called them "Bug Outs". Whatever they were, they went away. I learned to stick my head between my legs as If I was attempting fellatio and thought about the beach. Problem solved.
UNTILL, of course, the assholes at Time Warner Cable ruined my life. Every few hours or so my Internet completely dies. So do the phones. Naturally, my entire family runs to me and I have to drop whatever I'm doing and fix it. Or try to. Whenever I see those lights flashing on my airport base, my blood grows thick and my heart starts racing a little too quickly.
Sticking my head between my legs and thinking about the beach doesn't really help.
Instead, I smoke a cigarette as I go out "to buy some milk" and sneak some whiskey in the coca-cola I bought because we don't actually need milk.
Today the Internet started working on every single computer except my own. I'm on some asshole's wireless Internet and it gets no reception anywhere except the coldest dustiest corner of my house.
Now, my computer has a sick sense of humor and likes to tell me that everything is sunshine and butterscotch when it ain't. That's why when I saw this image I had to take a picture and laugh.
I hope you appreciate it:

Sometimes, I hate Apple products.

If you haven't listened to my radio show you should. People seem to like it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Reading this blog is like eating french fries at the Lyric. mmm mmm mm