Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Wow. What a sham.

If you are reading this there is a 60% chance that to you, it's old news. Here's the thing: it's not to me, baby. Therefore I will write about it as if I just discovered it and there hasn't already been millions of blog posts about the subject.

Everyone knows "Sham-Wow" and as a made for TV/infomercial junkie, I have always been fascinated with the front man for the super absorbent rag. Whenever I see him, the same parts of my brain go off that go off when a deprived, drug addicted lunatic approaches me on Delancey street trying to scam me out of a couple of bucks so he can get his fix. Seriously folks, the guy has the swagger, talk and persuasion of a meth-head on his last hoorah.

That's why when I heard what happened to him (his names Vince Offer, by the way) I wasn't shocked at all. Just really excited. I was right about something.

Turns out Vince was staying in a nice hotel and picked himself up an expensive hooker. After offering her one thousand dollars for sex (paid for by clumsy, juice spilling mothers across the country) she lured him into his room and then bit his tongue off. 

That's right. She "bit and wouldn't let go" What's he do? He punches her. A lot. 

Obviously since privacy doesn't exist in this world anymore (and thank god for that!) his mugshot and crime scene photos have been posted all over the Internet. Here's one, stolen by yours truly:

There are many more here. I was going to post them but I feel it's in bad taste to publish photos of bloodied women (be them tongue gnawing hookers or not).

This just makes me wonder. What sort of country do we live in when our heroes wind up handcuffed to hospital beds for unforgivable crimes? Fact is, five years ago before my con-artist spidey sense was developed, I would have loved this guy. Just like I loved Billy Mays, Ronco (chicken rotisserie God) and Chef Tony. I mean, what's next people?

If you don't know who that is you don't watch enough TV


Carlos Galarza said...

As usual Kevin I'm right there with you. I didn't know about this so thank you A Journey. Thats crazy. However I'm so glad the post wasn't about sham-wow being a sham, because that has to be the greatest thing invented. I wonder if the maid service of the hotel used the miracle towels to clean up the mess. haha

sparky said...

OMG KEVIN. You're the first person to tell me about this. Holy CRAP. Omg, this is like the most rediculous thing I have ever heard, or at least this week. I haven't heard about this guy in a long time and the first thing I see he's up to is hooking up with some hookers and winding up in the hospital? lmao

Lizz Avalanche said...

i just vomited mentally...ew.

LudwigLongPlay said...

i didnt see the shamwow anywhere in the hotel room.
that guys full of shit (and blood)