Sunday, October 11, 2009

Bacon Weave

What happens when two young men are hungry and only have a pound of bacon and a shred of cheese in the fridge? 


For years mentions of this elusive dish have floated around the Internet. I have always been curious to taste the most glorious dish any mortal man could ever make. To savor the meal who's final step is divine intervention. Some day, I knew, I would.

Carlos had one once and told me it was less than stellar. I could not accept that. I decided that one day I would make one of my own. It would be stellar.

That day was yesterday. Originally it was only me in the kitchen, manning the flames of the oven and sewing strips of pork meat together like there was no tomorrow. I tossed the glorious cloak in the heat and soon the smell attracted Preston, who then became my kitchen assistant.

The weave was really, really hot. It wasn't the bacon that burnt flesh but the thick layer of bubbling hot grease that coated it on all ends. We still needed to cheese it up and roll it up before it got cold but there was no way in hell Preston or I could pull that task off without being wounded. We had a quick ethical conversation, wondering if wounds were worth the meal. We were about to martyrize our fingers when Preston had a brilliant idea.

We put the cheese on and rolled it up. There was a subtle rumble in the earth below. I thought it was either the train going by or the gods awaking from their slumbers to witness two men attempt a task so notoriously dangerous, even amongst the creators themselves it was considered lunacy.

Cheesed it, rolled it up and BEHOLD!

The Bacon Weave. 
What's scary is that we each got a half and both ate in under five minutes. It wasn't even hard, in fact, it was delicious and felt like eating a few pieces of bacon. That's the dangerous thing about that stuff: if you can't see exactly how much you are eating your body assumes you are eating one small portion and leaves you wanting more. 

At the end of the five minute feast Preston and I realized we each ate half a pound of bacon. I can't remember exactly because I felt faint but I believe we high fived and screamed "BACON WEAVE!"



kathy said...

hahahaa i can't believe you actually made that!

Daniel Rutkowski said...


Christopher Nelson said...

omg i want bacon now! eating a half lb of bacon is not that bad but u just took a year off your life

Carlos Galarza said...

The reason I said it was less then stellar was that grease. It was in a god damn pool of that. It was like remember when we made all that bacon during our weekend in CT. And that cup of grease (sorry for you readers inside stuff)? Imagine ALL of that on the bacon weave.

Kevin Patrick Gannon said...

I think the trick is using the oven instead of the frying pan, lets the grease fall into that metal thing

LudwigLongPlay said...


Emily said...

You were very smart to use the broiler (that's what it's called, btw) and let the grease drip out. Does the house still smell like bacon?

Anonymous said...

thats like death in a bacon roll

robbie said...

thats delicious