Soon, Chicago Will Be Uninhabitable

This lovely Saturday morning I woke up and did the whole morning routine. Part of my shtick is checking the weather reports on Dashboard so I know that I won't freeze my private parts off when I go to the loop for class. 

This morning shocked me. I could tell it was colder than usual because my room was a little drafty. When I looked at my Dashboard I thought "Oh god, It's here"

One degree. Not "degrees" but "degree". It's so cold out that there is only one little unit of an untouchable concept keeping the entire city from zero. I remember those days from last year, the cold wind slapping you in the face every time you turned a corner. It was horrible. It was something I wasn't looking forward to. It was here. 

Dear, God, why do you do this to us Chicagoans? Dear Chicagoans, why do we put up with this?

I started to panic. I grabbed my long johns, blew the dust off and said "looks like I'll be using you earlier than I thought" while shivering in fear of what was to come. It was already so cold. 

That's when I looked at the Dashboard again. Whoops. My friend Monty, who is from Mexico, can only read temperatures in Celsius (like the rest of the world, those suckers). Immediately next to my Dashboard widget was another, reading a much more palatable temperature. 

Whoops. It's still mad cold but I didn't need the long johns. The train platform was slicked with ice and I could feel myself slowly sliding towards the tracks but I lived to tell the story. 

Moral of the story? Long live the United States Customary Units!