Monday, November 16, 2009

I'm getting old

Pushing twenty years on this earth, my fast paced lifestyle is beginning to catch up to me. Father time has opened up my records and declared that I have been in my prime far too long. He has wrought a sinister plan for me to partake in, one that every man and woman too must eventually face. He has laid a road for me to walk down (or, eventually, hobble down) and it says "AGE...NO EXIT"

I'm getting old, folks. The grim reaper isn't looming or anything but I have noticed a few things that have been happening to me and when they do I say to myself "it's happening". What's scary is it is going to continue happening for a very long while. 

You think I'm crazy? I think not. I think I'm observational. Take the following points as proof:

1. My Bladder is That of an Old Man's

Most old people I know frequently make pit stops to the restroom. I never understood why they have to piss so much. For a long while I thought most of the world over forty had secret drinking problems. Now, more realistically, I can safely say it is their own bladders giving way. Folks, when I'm in class I expect to drop by the little boys room at least three times before the day is up. That's super annoying for me considering public restrooms are the bane of my existence, but that's going to be saved for another post.

2. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

I'm sleepy, goddamnit! I remember back in the day when I was a young lad I could easily stay up until 5 working, take a two hour power nap, wake up and then take on the world. Two hours of sleep now? Forget it. Six? HA! I need at least seven to be a functioning human being. It's sad.

3. Taste.

In recent weeks I have found myself eating greens during lunch. I'm not referring to Jolly Ranchers, I'm talking straight up greens composed of whatever it is the earth spits up when it's in a good mood. I have gone my entire life hating salad and all things that mildly resembled it. Somehow after my taste buds have begun to atrophy I get hungry for a salad. Can you believe that? Pathetic. What's next, Ensure and jello?

4. Art

This one is a doozey. If you were to come up to me three years ago and say "Kevin what sort of artists do you like?" I would have told you Jeff Koons, Damien Hirst, Joe Coleman, Bruce Nauman and other loonies raking in that contemporary cheddar. I wouldn't be caught dead in any museum that didn't have "Modern" in it's name and I hated painting. Now? Jacques-Louis David, Edward Hopper, Grant Wood and sometimes, dare I say it, Jean Baptiste Chardin. Still life? How fucking boring.

5. Attitude

When I see a bunch of kids sitting around doing nothing I think to myself "Look at those fucking hooligans, sitting around doing nothing. They don't know what life is like. They don't know what they need to be getting ready for. I worry for the future of this country..." which is silly, because they are usually a year younger than me and I'm usually sitting around doing nothing. I wonder if they are looking at me thinking: "Look at that old, bastard. He suxx :p lolz"

Here is where I ask the question to make myself feel better. What about you people? Are you getting older? Do you feel like the next stop is a lazy boy by the fire place, glass of whiskey in hand, loyal dog keeping your feet warm and an empty shotgun by your side to scare punks off of your porch? If so, please let me know. 


emx said...

Last night I had dinner with 37 Dublin women who had just arrived, doing a speed trip to NYC with their club: "The Nifty Fifties". Turns out NONE of them had seen fifty in about twenty years and they were so old the club founder was dead. Age wasn't holding them back, they rocked.
I'd see a doctor about the peeing thing.

LudwigLongPlay said...

i second the pitstop during class. today, it was a nuisance.

2. the value of sleep has definitely gone WAY up

3. i have actually been eating less greens and more junk, so we're doin a little flip i see

4. hopper, yes, heck yes. come back to nyc, lets go to art students league and draw some nakedz

5. oh and the punks thing, i feel that everyday when i walk into my english class. just a bunch of punks. they still use their outdoor voices, tsk tsk.

Anonymous said...

The piss problem is still foreign to me. Even after 11 hours I'm still exhausted. Kids nowadays can suck a fuck for their naivete.

Kevin Patrick Gannon said...

I'm glad I asked you people, maybe I should see a doc about my pee pee dilemma. As for Anonymous: 11 hours of sleep? Holy CRAP. You are my hero.

Finally, to ludwig: I ain't drawing no nudies, with you. Let's just find a dimly lit milk bar on the corner of some street and not make eye contact with anyone:

Anonymous said...

don't forget that now people like me can say, "oh kevin, i remember when you were my star student*. a mere tween. all pimply and wearing your mom's shirt. making experimental films that you didn't want to edit. awwww! now you're all grown!"

*disclaimer: i can't say you were my favorite, it's just not done.

Carlos Galarza said...

Kev as for the sleep thing, that wasn't you as a kid. That was us this summer. I think you need to get back to NY and we'll reinvigorate each other through video games and red bull. And all I can say for the greens thing is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. What are you, Ezra. HAHAHA jk love you Ezie

Anonymous said...

Hey....salads can be real good.

kori waring said...

1. my bladder is a force to be reckoned with. no empathy from me on this one.
2. i was never terribly good at functioning without sleep but it is definitely getting more severe these days. i am full of resentment.
3. i TOTALLY sympathize about eating flora. all i want in my belly these days is plant matter.
4. i have never really been into the jeff koonz and his contemporary conceptual brethren, but since the modern wing opened i have been shocked by how little i visit it. i just want to live in the Renaissance galleries and hang out with titian and caravaggio and el greco.
5. kids these days.

i have to say though i am not unpleased with the ravages of time. saying goodbye to my teenage years will not be a cause of great strife for me. i have always felt i am around 24 at heart.