Saturday, August 1, 2009

Try to do something nice...

Editors note: It's almost five in the morning. I need to be up at 10. Please excuse any grammatical errors. 

I was just awoken by a drunken raucous (living on Orchard street, this is totally the norm). I got up and looked out my window to see three dudes stumbling around completely trashed. 

So far nothing is out of the ordinary. That is, until I saw them all pile into a car.

I'm not a member of MADD but if I see a guy stumbling around the sidewalk, fall, get up and then get behind the wheel of an escalade I get worried. I was about to keep my mouth shut and close my window when the driver got out of his car, bent over and puked. 

"Puked" is an understatement. This guy let out a geyser that went on for about three solid minutes. 

After heaving his ankles he promptly wiped his face and got behind the wheel of a heavy duty piece of automobile. 

I didn't feel right just letting this cat off so I whistled and (without trying to be too much of a buzz-kill) yelled:

"Hey, Boss, be careful driving tonight!"

The guy looked up at me. I thought I needed to elaborate:

"Grab a slice of pizza and sober up before you drive home,
stay safe!"

The driver responded with a long drunken pause, which was fine, as I needed a long pause as well considering I just woke up.

He thought of his response and yelled back:


I was speechless. Try to do something nice and this is what you get. It's rare I ever say this about another human being but I hope this guy ends up in a 20 car pile up on the FDR en route to his home (likely the Bronx).



LudwigLongPlay said...

next time throw a piece of greasy fish on his windshield

daniel said...

my god. sounds like larry david's stupid story about trying to save some lady's life...except your's is a hell of a lot more genuine

Emily said...

You did the right thing. Hope his car stunk for days. They say God protects babies and drunks. Hope it's true.