The Most Dangerous Banner Ever

A few years ago where Allen Street meets Houston American Apparel (which had a store around the corner) used to toss up the most sexually explicit ads ever on a gigantic banner. It was fail safe and for a few years the ads would be notorious amongst my group of friends. What do you expect? We were teenage boys with hormones spilling out of our nostrils like nosebleeds.

The thing was, every time they would put a new girl up we would all say "O.K, I know I said this last time but this is it. They will never top this. They will give up" and almost always, a few months later, they would put up an image of a less clad, more attractive woman. Here is an example.

They did actually drop the ball once by putting up the famous Woody Allen poster. It was a major fail in all elements. They lost money and we lost hope. I love Woody Allen as much as the next guy (in fact, probably more) but staring at him every Friday night expecting a beautiful woman was always underwhelming. Fail.

Then there was the dog. Ah, yes, the dog. If you can tell from the picture above, the ads looked over a traffic island. When crossing Allen Street you would always spend a few moments on this cement safe-haven and have nothing to stare at. Naturally, your eye would wander. At first I would try to be subtle: I didn't want to look like a perverted monster in front of everyone in my neighborhood. As time went on, however, I made no attempt to handle myself with a shred of chivalry. I would stare with my mouth wide open, head at a 45 degree angle, completely motionless. From across the street you could always see men doing the exact same thing. It was hilarious.

One day I was with Carlos and we were looking at our favorite.  This one:

We had both seen it at least fifty times in our lives. He said "What a lucky dog" and I had no idea what he meant. After examining it I realized, for the first time, that there was a dog in the photograph. 

From that day on, every time I saw some dude staring at this gal I would say "Hey did you notice the dog?" and 90% of the time they would go:

"HOLY SHIT THERE'S A DOG IN THAT PHOTO?"

I guess the eye likes to filter details out, sometimes.

The banner is gone now and they never tossed a new one up. I'm sure a few people ran red lights because of these things and maybe we are better off without them. Lord knows I don't need to see that shit every time I walk home. 

I'd like to thank Carlos for doing the research and finding the image of our lost love. 

I sign off with a personal message to Dov Charney: Thanks for being such a sleaze-bag.